so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
