im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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