I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
