I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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