Screwed.edu
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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