Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize