Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
