I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
