she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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