I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
