Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You ate ashes out of my bong
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize