I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
