Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
