did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
