yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
