i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
