I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
