Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize