Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
