We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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