i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
