Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this just has baby written all over it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
