omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
