I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
