Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
