it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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