I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
