just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
