I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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