Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
