member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
