Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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