this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize