My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
