The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
