wanna go halves on a baby?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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