Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
