You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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