I bet he comes in French.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
