Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
