Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
