Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
