guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
