Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
