i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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