we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
