my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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