Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
