Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
