Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm both gender and math confused
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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