I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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