I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
