yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
