Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
