Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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