I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
