There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
