When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
