I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
