Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
