is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we should paint friendship bongs
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