4 words: hood of his car
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I touched a dick in church today
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
