I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
