What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
