i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
