Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
