dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
