god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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