Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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