I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
