wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
