Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
