Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
