Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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