just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize