Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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